Boys don't cry

BOYS DON'T CRY

From the moment boys get aware to this life, they're taught to be what people call “masculine”.

What do we mean by masculine?

“masculine” is an adjective which is given for boys to describe their strength and courage, and under this title these boys get under pressure by their atmosphere to not cry or express emotions that show weakness like crying after falling down, because that's not what a “real man does”, they have to prove for everyone their masculinity by hiding every sense of emotions they get. This may lead to a lot of physical disorders including heart, liver, kidney diseases... Or emotion disorders like depression, Post Traumatic Stress...

On the other hand, it's normal for all girls to release their stress and sorrow normally as it is no doubt for them to cry or to complain for their near friends or mothers about what they're facing from troubles.

To clarify, APA’s Public Interest Directorate has release a new video, “Boys Don't Cry” which explores the negative impact of stereotypical expectations of masculinity on boys and men.

link of the video:

https://youtu.be/JCN1XZU6jeA

As a conclusion, we're all humans who are a mass of emotions, our feelings are uncountable and shouldn't be hidden, so it's normal for boys and men to feel, because that's what a “real human does”.

Why do you think our societies teach a boy to be like that?

Suggest a solution to change our societies' mind about this issue.

Comments (26)

  • tom Tom @ Topical Talk
    13 Apr 2022

    A really important post, amazing_reflection, thank you. This shines a light on something which affects many men and boys and I'm interested to hear others' views on it.

  • British Council.jpg constructive_moth | Rhemaville Christian Academy | Nigeria
    13 Apr 2022

    Well, the reason society trains boys to be like that is because they are seen as the stronger vessels, the ones that are not supposed to cry, the ones that carry the responsibility of the family, society or even the country at large in their hands and women are seen as the weaker vessels, the one that it is normal for them to cry. This is why society trains boys to be "masculine" so to say. They are trained to be like this so they can be dominant over the women and so they can be seen as more powerful than women. This is called a patriarchal society, where men dominate others and have more privileges that enable them to exploit and oppress others. Men are trained not to cry or show emotions because some cultural norms and gender stereotypes that have been going on for a long time portray men as weak when they cry. Due to this, many men do not cry or show their emotions because it is seen as something that only women do and they do not want to be mocked by society. Psychologists have rejected the notion that says men experience less emotion but they have suggested that men exhibit "restrictive emotionality". Restrictive emotionality is seen as “having difficulty and fears about expressing one's feelings and difficulty finding words to express basic emotions”. This norm of training boys not to cry or show their emotion needs to be stopped because it breeds Gender Inequality and it can be dangerous to the mental health of boys and men as they will keep a lot of bottled-up emotions inside of them without letting it out. There are a lot of countries that train boys not to cry. An example is my country Nigeria and this is wrong and needs to be stopped.

    1. British Council.jpg willing_imagination | Marka Prep. Girls School 2 | Jordan
      constructive_moth's comment 13 Apr 2022

      In my opinion, many men would like to cry, but the look or idea on which the male child is raised prevents him from that. In the eyes of people, it is a shame for a man to cry.

  • British Council.jpg great_concept | Beit Lahya Prep Girls | Occupied Palestinian Territory
    13 Apr 2022

    Okay ...
    Lately I've been thinking about it a lot. Not only boys but men too. It's rare or impossible to see your dad cry.
    Communities do this in turn, cling to the qualities of ancestors and grandparents. They embody the meaning of strength for weak girls and give them hope for strength and continuity. If her brother or father protects her, she will feel safe and comfortable, as in this case crying is a source of weakness.
    Also in our societies, boys do not find anyone to reveal to them secrets, hidden things, childhood tragedies, or whatever.
    I think this can be solved by creating chatbots where one speaker does not know who the other is and can exchange secrets or talk about something that bothers them with each other.

    1. tom Tom @ Topical Talk
      great_concept's comment 13 Apr 2022

      Would these chatbots be real people, or actual artificial intelligence?

      1. British Council.jpg great_concept | Beit Lahya Prep Girls | Occupied Palestinian Territory
        Tom @ Topical Talk's comment 13 Apr 2022

        Of course, it will be real people, but you cannot tell them by name or personal information such as where they live, etc.
        Because artificial intelligence cannot understand feelings or sensations like human nature.

  • British Council.jpg willing_imagination | Marka Prep. Girls School 2 | Jordan
    13 Apr 2022

    I will tell you the story of my father. When my grandfather died, my father wanted to cry and I noticed tears in his eyes, but there was something preventing him from that, but he seemed pressure and nervousness, and the reason for that is that the eastern society considers that if a man cries , he is like women, and this is wrong. We humans must Expressing our feelings, whether by crying or joy, for we are a mixed mixture of feelings, and if part of them is neglected, there will be an imbalance in the psychological aspect of the person.

  • British Council.jpg faithful_personality | Beit Lahya Prep Girls | Occupied Palestinian Territory
    13 Apr 2022

    First of all, I think that societies teach men to be like this (men do not cry) in order to show you that they are responsible, capable of bearing heavy burdens and great responsibilities, and that nothing defeats them, unlike the woman who appears in society as weak and whose task is to cry and complain about everything, but this is an injustice to both parties...
    Thank you for posting a topic like this. I really like this type of topic...
    I was a believer that men do not cry and that weeping is reserved for women only, and I always used to say, “ The man who cries loses his manhood ”; But I discovered that this is wrong and that men also have feelings when I started watching series and novels “ When the hero of the drama is under severe pressure or loses someone he loves, he explodes like a crying child. That’s why mens have feelings and cry, right?”
    If you are the type who reads books and novels and watches series, you will notice that cinema and novels always show men that they are cruel and strict, do not cry and have no feelings, but in the last episode you discover that their cruelty is the reason for their exposure to a brutal and cruel childhood. like mafea mens They just had a hard time in their childhood so they became ruthless but believe me in themselves they hate what they are doing. To reduce society’s thinking that men do not cry, we should not show the character of men in strict novels and series , and show the truth of their feelings, although that would be boring, but it’s okay (it’s okay if this changes the thinking of society) Cinema affects the minds and thinking of members of society, so this idea will be successful and fast-acting.

    1. tom Tom @ Topical Talk
      faithful_personality's comment 13 Apr 2022

      A good idea at the end of your comment!

    2. Cheam Fields logo sympathetic_swan | Cheam Fields Primary Academy A | United Kingdom
      faithful_personality's comment 22 Apr 2022

      I agree strongly faithful_personality.
      This is a important message that boy's don't cry. When I was little, I thought that girls always cry and boys never cry but I have realised that this statement ( Boy's don't cry) is false because we all have feeling's and it is not just us, animals also have feeling's. We all cry when we are sad or when we hurt our self but this is natural. I wan't to thank Amazing_reflection for this experience and topic because this is obviously not a true statement.

      1. British Council.jpg amazing_reflection | Shohour High Public School | Lebanon
        sympathetic_swan's comment 22 Apr 2022

        I agree with you sympathetic_swan, our society from the day we born teach boys to not cry they want them to not feel. And my post was based on experience how my family and society used to teach me, so I am very thankful for Topical Talk that let me release this pain and send this message for all the world. My message is "Boys and Men are Humans and from their rights is to feel".

    3. Cheam Fields logo polite_poem | Cheam Fields Primary Academy A | United Kingdom
      faithful_personality's comment 25 Apr 2022

      I agree with you faithful_personality
      Your comment has strong information about boys not crying.Because when I was young I thought that us boys don't cry as we are brave and only girls cry but actually I was wrong.And i say this statement (Boys don't cry) is false because everyone has feelings and not just us animals to we all cry when we either get upset,hurt yourself or when your not in the good mood this is all natural events that happen.Also your idea of the cinema affecting people's mind that is a great idea! Thank you faithful_personality to make a strong and wonderful comment with lots of information.

  • British Council.jpg nice_coconut | Beit Lahya Prep Girls | Occupied Palestinian Territory
    13 Apr 2022

    Emotions are naturally present in all human beings, whether they are men or women, but what is different is the way they are expressed. Some men not expressing their feelings publicly does not mean that they have no feelings at all, but because of societal pressure and having to adapt to stereotypical traits imposed on them as men, we find that they have learned a way to partially or completely hide these feelings. so l think there are many ways to over come this problem firstly, create awareness between mothers to avoid existing these ideas. Secondly, detribalizing people by using social media explaining the dangers of suppressing emotions and depression. Thirdly, school role in making schools broad casting. Finally, TV role in creating awareness making films, TV shows and social programs to delay such these ideas 💡

  • British Council.jpg super_writer | Beitsurik Girls Basic School | Occupied Palestinian Territory
    13 Apr 2022

    I think that the reason why societies in the world teach their male children not to cry is because they believe and say that women are weak and it is natural for them to cry and that is why they cry and talk to their family about what annoys her. They believe and say that males are much stronger than women, and that is why he should not cry. If they see a male crying in front of them, they say that he is a weak man and does not have manliness. That is why societies teach their male children not to cry in all situations, no matter how difficult they are.

  • British Council.jpg witty_land | Beit Lahya Prep Girls | Occupied Palestinian Territory
    13 Apr 2022

    Usually they raise males to be strong and not to show their feelings to anyone, because they will be the support and first breadwinner of their family, so showing their feelings is a rare thing. While they teach females to show their feelings because they think that women are weak and useless, but they have a great role in establishing the family. Without them, they would not have seen the lights of the world, as the saying goes, “Behind every great man is a greater woman.” From my point of view, feelings are restrained for a long time and not disclosed to anyone. It is very difficult because they cannot express their grief freely and they have to think about the consequences of that.
    I do not think that there is a specific way to prevent this phenomenon. Perhaps parents can contribute to teaching their children gender equality and not be afraid to express their feelings, as this is a natural thing for all human beings.

  • British Council.jpg involved_drum | Beit Lahya Prep Girls | Occupied Palestinian Territory
    13 Apr 2022

    Of course not, these minds are not right. People teach men to be without feeling, devoid of mercy and kindness, and crying is a good thing that empties what is in the heart and helps to improve the psyche and makes it good. Crying is also useful for the eye, purifying it and killing bacteria. Tears also secrete the eye to get rid of salts and excess water in the body, and I say to the owner These minds that say that men do not cry and that it is forbidden to cry, you sow hatred and cruelty, and you must leave them alone in their grief, and they are the only ones who will understand, and this teaches them kindness, mercy and tenderness.

  • British Council.jpg champion_elephant | Rhemaville Christian Academy | Nigeria
    13 Apr 2022

    We are all going to far, this is not only a stereotype but also something that is part of them. In Africa if a man cries his father and people around tell him BE A MAN. That is nice, so he should be a stoic creature void of emotion, what a cool ideology to pass down

    1. British Council.jpg rational_grape | Makini Academy | Kenya
      champion_elephant's comment 06 Jun 2022

      How has that affected the men? Does that happen in your country alot because it doesn't happen in our country alot?

  • British Council.jpg appreciative_pear | Shouka Prep Girls School | Occupied Palestinian Territory
    13 Apr 2022

    Inside every man there are feelings and fears that always bother him, but he cannot reveal them for fear of being accused of weakness. Do not cry.. A man does not cry.” Most men are raised on this wrong saying. The parents did not know that it would destroy the character of their children, the men of the future. They believed that it enhances their masculinity, strength and self-reliance. This saying led to a man who always feels afraid to show all his feelings, not only crying in front of others, but even expressing love, distress or happiness. The man learned how to hide his feelings, believing that showing them would become weak, as his family planted in him since childhood.

  • British Council.jpg constructive_moth | Rhemaville Christian Academy | Nigeria
    14 Apr 2022

    Well, the notion that boys do not cry has been existing for a long time and the fact that this is something that is being taught to male children as they are growing up has given me an idea for the perfect solution to this. Thank you amazing_reflection for bringing this topic up. Over the years I have come up across boys who do not express themselves enough they are always introverted and reserved, I have come across them both in my neighbourhood, school and other places.
    So my solution would be to all parents and guardians of children(basically people who are responsible for raising a child). The best solution would be to change this mentality right from a very young age because once a child gets to grow up with that mentality, he/she will live with it and it will continue to live with the person. I knew a boy like that in my school. He didn't openly show his emotions and when I tried to talk to him about it, he refused to listen to anything contrary to the mindset he already had. It is just like when you continue to see an advertisement online about why you need to buy a particular product, over time you will start to believe that you need that particular product and you will end up buying it. It has happened to me so many times. I think that is how our brain works. I term it "nagging", just like constantly being disturbed about something until you eventually give in. This is the same thing with children, especially male ones. If they grow up hearing that they are boys and they do not need to cry over and over again they will eventually believe it and it will become concrete in their minds. That is why I think that this problem is best resolved when it is dealt with earlier. Hence the saying, "the earlier, the better."

  • Cheam Fields logo content_badger | Cheam Fields Primary Academy A | United Kingdom
    23 Apr 2022

    Before, I use to think that boys never use to cry because they are more tough and brave. Now, I come to realise that everybody cries because we all have feelings. Animals, boys, girls, men and women all can cry. Did you know that dogs cry too? Excitement, anxiety, frustration, pain, attention seeking, and resource solicitation are all common reasons dogs cry.
    So you everybody has feelings and can always cry if they are sad, depressed or anxious.

  • British Council.jpg gracious_concept | Bomas Academy | Nigeria
    26 Apr 2022

    Thank you very much amazing_reflection for this post as I have picked a few lines from your post and I quote you saying, "(we're all humans who are a mass of emotions, our feelings are uncountable and shouldn't be hidden, so it's normal for boys and men to feel, because that's what a real human does)"

    1. katie.jpg Katie @ Topical Talk
      gracious_concept's comment 26 Apr 2022

      Well done for giving feedback! Why did you choose this quote in particular, gracious_concept? Do you agree or disagree with it?

      1. British Council.jpg gracious_concept | Bomas Academy | Nigeria
        Katie @ Topical Talk's comment 28 Apr 2022

        Thank you Katie for this interesting question. I completely agree with amazing_reflection on his/her post.
        I chose this quote in particular because, it serves as a reminder that men are human so they should be allowed to express their feelings and emotions freely just like every other human does. Men should be given opportunity to express their emotions because over time, expressing ones feeling helps them recover fully from pains they may be going through at that moment. Emotions do not guarantee masculinity and such stereotypes on masculinity always puts pressure on the male child. I think every boy/man should see this post from Amazing_reflection and break the stereotypes on masculinity.

  • British Council.jpg rational_grape | Makini Academy | Kenya
    28 Apr 2022

    I would say that this sort of stereotyping can make people take advantage of gender. For example, when a man hears of the world's strongest woman, she will underestimate her thinking that he is still stronger than her because men are stereotyped as strong and no woman can beat them up. This can make men suffer in silence. I had this neighbor who was always being beaten by his wife but he was always silent until people noticed he had severe injuries on his face and found out what her wife was doing to him because she always thought that he was cheating but he wasn't.

  • British Council.jpg kind_solution | Prempeh College Experimental Basic B | Ghana
    23 May 2022

    And I think there is a link to that. Yes boy are not use to be seen crying boy cry but we don't cry just of nothing.
    We sometimes only cry when we feel sad about something and people just be bias to boys and in this world every body cries and then we should learn equality among us but not Inequality

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